


Hold On

by katherynmae



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 18:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11258583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katherynmae/pseuds/katherynmae
Summary: Vera reflects on her relationship with Joan and the woman she knew.Episode tag to 5x12 - Hell Bent. Obvious spoilers for the end of the episode.





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Hello once again WW fandom. I haven't written anything Wentworth inspired in nearly two years (yikes!) but I have returned to embrace my love for Joan and Vera once again.

The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of; I'd be so lost if you left me alone. 

 _\- Hold On_ , Chord Overstreet 

• • • 

Joan Ferguson was a formidable woman. She had known that from the start. The tight, flush to her scalp, perfectly groomed bun only added to her determined and focused exterior. To the casual outsider, she might appear almost cold and unfeeling, or to those who knew what she was capable of, they might say she was even cruel. And once, Vera Bennett would have said all of these things too. But now - she knew better. 

A part of Vera knew that Joan Ferguson was still all those things; she could be cold or unfeeling, and maybe even downright cruel sometimes. But most of all, Vera knew she could be kind, and Vera knew Joan better than anyone. 

 _Joan_. She never called her anything else now. No more Governor. No more Ferguson. Now, she was simply Joan. She had whispered the word so frequently to herself over the past three days that she found herself mumbling it under her breath each evening as she made her way around the house, as if expecting company on her doorstep. 

Since Franky and Joan's disappearance - she refused to call it an escape just yet - Vera had spent each night in a fitful sleep. She wondered what she had missed. How _she_ of all people had missed Joan Ferguson's exit from the prison she had grown to know as her second home. At night, Vera found herself dreaming of the prison's darkened hallways, walking them alone, unarmed and her radio abandon somewhere that she never found. Vera dreamed of stumbling into one room after another, and after each empty room, she would let out one more strangled sob after another. And after each sob, Vera would awake in another cold sweat, wondering exactly how _she_ had failed Joan Ferguson. 

Channing had put a quick stop to an investigation into Joan's escape - Vera had seen that coming from the moment she had called him into H Block. But she had never expected her fellow officers to abandon the concern so quickly. She had hoped her fellow officers would find worry over the fact that not one, but _two_ , of their prisoners had managed to escape unnoticed. Instead, she watched as they all raised glasses in the lounge, celebrating the disappearance of "the Freak" - a nickname that still made Vera's blood boil and her skin crawl. While they celebrated, she retreated back into herself, watching as they went about their daily lives once more, as if a weight had been lifted from their shoulders. It was almost as if Joan's disappearance has ripped a hole through her core. 

Vera couldn't explain why Joan's absence affected her this time. She couldn't explain why the past three days in her life had been empty, filled with flashbacks of the abandon cell in H Block, and darker ones of wonderment of where her former mentor could be now. Fearing the worst was one of her many talents, and this instance was no different. Swallowing the fear of where Joan was now was no easy feat for Vera and she shuddered to think of what could have happened to her. Flashes of Joan filled her mind, and with each one, they terrified her more than the one that had preceded it. Bloodied clothes, flashes of fire, echoes of gunshots and silent screams consumed Vera's subconscious, and she found each image burned into her brain. 

Joan's words echoed in her mind too. _Why did you do it?_ And for once in her life, Vera was at a loss for words. She didn't know why her own guilt complex had taken over. Why the life of woman who had charmed Jake into chasing after her until he had wound his way so tightly around her heart that she hadn't been able to see right from wrong suddenly meant so much to her. She had known she would never want to be the cause of a death, but this had been Joan. And she didn't know why Joan ruled over her heart. But she did. 

She still did. Vera could recall the time - a time that felt like it was now years ago - when Joan had questioned her own loyalty. In a world where their roles had been reversed, when Vera had been the tiny, powerless mouse, chasing after the sleek cat who seemed to dart its way around the prison. It was that time when Vera had thought that she knew who Joan was; the powerful, commandeering governor who Vera nearly idolized. 

Vera would always respect her - though she feared what Joan's absence might do to her. But she knew that her loyalty would always lie with the formidable woman that she knew Joan Ferguson was. And in her eyes, always would be. 


End file.
